To Sleep or Not to Sleep

To sleep or not to sleep?

I'd like to ask Joe this question and receive an answer.

I realize that this question may never have an answer.

Joe, ever since I can remember has had a hard time sleeping.

Starting around the age of one he started experiencing night terrors that would last off and on all night. As Joe has gotten older they don't occur as often, but he also isn't sleeping. 

So last night as I was laying in bed thinking about life. Joe's birthday popped into my head.

Joe will be 4 in March.

As I felt tears coming to my eyes I had to remind myself HOW FAR Joe has come in the last 2 years. He's learned so many new words. SENTENCES even. He's learned how to handle his emotions more. Even the tantrums have become easier to handle, but The stress of worrying and pursuing a independent and productive life for Joe is always eating at me. They say at the age of 6 your brain pushes off speech. So the race has always been on, for all of us...but it's never really worried about.

Maybe Joe lies awake thinking of the very same things? Will one of his tantrums some day turn him into The Hulk! Is it possible that he could develop a suite like Iron Man or possibly fly an have super human strength like Super Man!?

It was another long night for Joe, tossing, turning & crying. 

Most of us could not function on no sleep, but Joe is a very high energy little boy who seems to make it work. Constantly learning, creating & exploring. He's even started playing with toys imaginatively!!

I don't have the luxury of naps during the day or small break getaways. Help is something I rarely ask for....

Why? Because I choose not to sleep. I choose to raise my boys and be their biggest advocate. To be their MOM! (That's why we go through that 10 months of carrying them, correct?) To be a role model to support them in their growth. ( these are the things you think about while you've laid your body back down for the 8th time and it's only 3am.

I often am told "I don't know how you do it" or "I don't know how I'd handle that." 

It's simple for me.

Even though there are days where I have absolutely no energy and clearly living on caffeine and tears are threatening to fall.

You hide it!!! What good would that do for the boys?!

It's love. You push yourself to give everything, especially when it's the only option you give yourself.

So until I get an answer on the "no sleep situation" I will keep getting up no matter how tired.

I'll sleep when the Joe is happy :).